03:54 PM CDT on Sunday, August 12, 2007
ORLANDO, Fla. – I leave Expedition Everest to the Abominable Snowman, Mission Space to astro-nuts and Tower of Terror to those with tough tummies. Even the idea of riding Alice's spinning teacups makes me dizzy. But I can still enjoy Florida's Walt Disney World with more than It's A Small World on my to-do list.
After all, this quintessential theme park is not just roller coasters and thrill rides. In fact, as Rae, my backstage tour guide (more about that later) points out, Walt Disney World has no rides, per se. Everything, down to the roving ice cream carts, is an attraction complete with storyline from beginning to end.
RICK SEALOCK/Special Contributor
That's good news for those who prefer to keep their feet on the ground and lunch in their stomachs. (Yes, there are plenty of us who would rather eat dirt than rocket upside-down through an ink-black tunnel.) So, fellow fraidy-cats, keep this list handy. My personal picks are guaranteed to make your next Disney World visit as much fun as the screaming hordes are having.
When does a popular ride spawn a movie whose insane popularity spawns an updated ride? When it's Pirates of the Caribbean, of course.
The quintessential Disney "Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me" attraction in Adventureland in the Magic Kingdom boasts new technology and some new characters – such as filmdom's Capt. Jack Sparrow and his nemesis, Barbossa – for a new generation. Go for no other reason than to view the Johnny Depp animatronics, some so scary-real that it looks as if someone simply dipped Mr. Depp in wax.
Some other Disney World standards that still deliver:
•Spaceship Earth, a time-travel adventure inside the iconic silvery ball at the entrance to Epcot. About half of the 14-minute trip is backward through darkened spaces, but there are no plunges or dips. We promise.
•Living With the Land (Epcot) glides serenely through a rain forest, fish farms, hydroponic gardens and agricultural greenhouses to show how food is grown.
•Jungle Cruise (Magic Kingdom, Adventureland). Yes, it's slow-moving and the audio-animatronic animals (zebras, lions, hippos) couldn't scare a mouse, but it's laid-back fun. Even the boat skipper's goofy spiel will make you laugh (or groan).
•Haunted Mansion (Magic Kingdom, Liberty Square). It's spooky and kooky, but definitely not scary as you explore a poltergeist-ridden house and greet a ghost host.
Real-time animation (one of those you-have-to-see-it-to- believe-it things) is the latest trick whipped up by Disney Imagineers. To see for yourself, visit Turtle Talk With Crush inside The Seas with Nemo & Friends at Epcot. Crush, that 152-year-old sea turtle surfer dude from Finding Nemo, has an unscripted, live conversation with the kids about ocean life. Definitely aimed at the mini Mouse set, watch for Crush's reactions when some of the pint-size dudes and dudettes pop some zinger questions. Then check out Laugh Floor Comedy Club (Magic Kingdom, Tomorrowland).
At the club, Imagineers ratchet up the real-time animation experience as multiple characters from Monsters, Inc., including your host, the one-eyed Mike Wazowski, interact simultaneously with crowds.
The premise: Monstropolis denizens have built a comedy club to harness laughter instead of screams to power the city. So the locals are constantly trying to elicit that all-powerful chuckle or guffaw. Two years in the making, the new attraction is so well-tuned that audience members can even text-message in a joke while waiting in line and might hear it in the show.
Mickey's PhilharMagic, which mixes music, special effects and animated antics of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and other favorites, may come closest to Walt Disney's vision of experiencing the park with all five senses. You'll smell apple pie and feel your hair blow, and the 150-foot-wide screen will pop into action through your 3-D glasses. This attraction (Magic Kingdom, Fantasyland) tops my list.
Soarin' (Epcot) also has everyone talking, at least those unafraid of heights. It isn't scary or jarring, but you're lifted as much as 40 feet while watching an 80-foot screen to re-create the sense of hang gliding across California. Soarin' groupies counsel anyone with vertigo to sit in the third (rear) row because seeing people's feet dangling from the row above seems to keep things in perspective.
Kilimanjaro Safari transports you without vertigo to the Africa-style savannah in Animal Kingdom. This all-terrain truck drives across rivers and grasslands to put you up close with okapi, cheetah, hippos, giraffes, wildebeest and more. You may even spot a vulture as it pulls on the tail of a sleeping rhino to see whether its prey is alive – or lunch.
If you get to only one live theatrical performance (which Disney does so well), make it Festival of the Lion King (Animal Kingdom). There's singing, dancing, pageantry, colorful costumes and stilt walkers, and the entire audience gets to test its dancing skills on "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Other notables, all boasting air-conditioned splendor: Beauty and the Beast, Voyage of the Little Mermaid and Finding Nemo: The Musical.
Or wait until dark when pyrotechnic shows such as Wishes at the Magic Kingdom and Illuminations in Epcot's World Showcase light up the night sky.
Curious scaredy-cats must try an insider's tour such as Keys to the Kingdom ($60, including lunch). Meet at City Hall on Main Street, U.S.A. and make your way through the Magic Kingdom as a guide explains everything from how only one-fourth of the 27,000 acres at Disney World has been developed (it could hold three more theme parks!), how the trash is sorted by hand for recycling, how parade floats keep from crashing into crowds and how costumed characters survive the Florida heat. I could tell you more, but tour guests take the Mickey Mouse oath of secrecy.
In the interest of full disclosure, here are the attractions I'd avoid:
•Anything with the word "mountain" in it, i.e. Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain and Expedition Everest (you know there's a mountain in there somewhere).
•Anything advertised as "spinning wildly," such as the Mad Tea Party or Primeval Whirl.
•Tower of Terror. Enough said.
•"Honey I Shrunk the Audience." The 3-D effects are cool until snakes and mice pour off the screen "into" the audience. Same goes for "It's Tough to Be a Bug!" You can feel the ick factor.
•Mission Space (Epcot). Now, Disney offers a less-intense version of the original dizzying voyage to Mars, but with dozens of warning signs marking every footstep toward the entrance.
•Test Track (Epcot). It looks harmless enough: "Wow! This is fun testing anti-lock braking in my zippy automobile." Then you come to the part where you careen around the edge at 65 mph.
It's A Small World gets an undeserved bad rap as outdated. Trust me, it's a charming respite from the crowds.
An oldie but goodie created for the 1964 New York World's Fair, the Magic Kingdom attraction sails past 289 dolls attired in costumes from around the world. It embraces the concept of multicultural friendship, though that ubiquitous ditty (sung in five languages) sticks in your head for days after. That may make it the scariest ride of all.
Laura Daily is a Colorado freelance writer.
